Sweet Dreams Are Made of This
by SwordDraconis113
Summary: or Five Moments Lauren Felt Loved


Sweet Dream Are Made of This

or Five Moments Lauren Felt Loved

**1. Dress-up**

She was seven and had borrowed her mother's lab coat. Standing in front of the big mirror in her parents bedroom, she bundled the coat's arms up to try to get her arms through each sleeve. The white crowded around her, puddling to the floor in a messy bundle. Lauren appeared dwarfed in the oversize coat, and no matter how high she jumped, she was still too short to reach the hanging stethoscope.

Quickly she gave up.

"Look!" she shouted, running to her mother. "Muuuuum look, Ima doctor!" She posed, hands on her hips, hair in two neat piggytails as she beamed up at her mother with her missing tooth.

"Get that off and put it away," her mother snatched at the coat, scolding her daughter sharply. "You should be studying, Lauren."

"But Ima doctor," she repeated. "I'm a doctor like you!" Lauren's eyes looked up wide, not understanding why the tv had the mother laughing and kissing her daughter's head when she dressed up, but her own mother was angry. Even Annabelle said it worked with her mum.

"No you're not and with that behavior you'll never be." Her mother shook her head, pulling the coat off Lauren with care before neatly straightening it. "Look," she murmured disapprovingly, "you've creased it," with a sigh she walked off, heels clicking on the wooden floor as she walked over to the ironing board.

Lauren stared, eyes wide as she watched her mother. "Mummy?"

"Homework, Lauren."

"Other kids don't have to do homework," she grumbled, folding her arms across her chest. "Jessy gets to play with dolls!"

"Dolls give a superficial idea about career choices and gender roles," her mother replied sharply. "Now, I'm not going to tell you again. Go do your homework." Lauren threw her foot down, shouting a quick, "I wish Jessy mum was my real mum!" before she ran off to slam her bedroom door. Immediately she pushed her drawers, with all her strength, in front of the door to stop her mother from trying to come in. Finally as an added precaution, she ran to hide in the closet.

But her mother's steps didn't come down the hall to check on her, didn't come to make sure she was doing her homework. Mrs Lewis knew that the tantrum would cease and Lauren would stand up and return to her desk like a good girl, because she always did.

And try as she might, Lauren's shoulders eventually dropped and she slowly crawled out of the closet and walked to the hard wooden desk, sitting down in the child-sized chair. She obediently picked up the pencil and started where she left off, silently believing that she hated her mother with all her heart.

But dinner time came, she handed her homework over and her mother's short pat on her shoulder when she'd gotten all the answer's correct, was at least more than she'd received yesterday. "You're a good girl Lauren. No matter what I know you're going to good in the world."

**School**

"Boys are _so stupid_!" Sarah exclaimed. Lauren agreed, head nodding like a good friend, though her hands fidgeted in her skirt nervously. Sarah had the biggest blue eyes and skin like hot chocolate. She was really pretty, all the boys said so. "Sometimes I think I should just stop liking them," Sarah continued, "I mean, they're not good for anything and they smell gross."

"Like sweat," Lauren added.

"Exactly!" Sarah turned to smile at her, "see you get it. You always get me, not like Tim. You even make me laugh when I'm upset and you know that I don't Star Wars," she sighed then, looking down at her hands. "I wish I could date you instead of boys."

Lauren blushed, looking shyly at Sarah. When Sarah smiled, Lauren thought the world shrunk around her. She could hear her heart race and feel her hands fidget, getting all sticky and clammy like she had a really hard test. Sometimes, when Sarah really smiled at her, _really truly_ smiled with her pretty teeth showing and her freckles all scrunched up on her nose as she laughed, Lauren thought she was the prettiest person ever to exist. "You think so?"

"Yeah. You wouldn't treat me like Tim does."

Lauren shook her head, the braid swinging back and forth in the sharp movement. "I'd be a good boyfriend."

"_Girlfriend,_" Sarah corrected. "Because you're a girl."

"Oh yeah." Lauren laughed nervously, silently cursing herself for the blunder.

But Sarah stood up then and pushed off the bench they were sitting on to grab her school bag. "But Tim isn't that bad," she continued her thought, "he's just so silly, I mean, he should carry my bag you know? I'm not asking him to buy me lunch with his lunch money or anything ridiculous like the other girls! And I don't want to watch Star Wars. It's a stupid movie."

"I can carry your bag," Lauren murmured softly. "And we could watch Pretty in Pink together."

"Aww, you're sweet, but it's okay. I just wanted Tim to because he's supposed to be my boyfriend. I mean I let him hold my hand yesterday and you know what that is right?"

"Ah…"

"Second base! Next we kiss and then it's a very fast track to sex."

Lauren gasped, nervously shuffling on the seat, the idea of Tim and Sarah kissing made her feel sick and angry and all-mixed up. She didn't like it. "I mean...would you...have sex with him?"

"No! Not until we're older. I mean, I love him but you have to be at least fourteen!" she said. Lauren didn't tell her that she was always told it was _eighteen. _Even if she knew some girls did it at sixteen.

But she nodded and smiled, standing up to follow Sarah home. "Hey Sarah?" she asked, finding the courage inside of herself as she watched Sarah dark curly hair bounce in the sunlight.

"Yeah?"

"I'd date you too, you know."

Sarah giggled, moving forward to kiss Lauren's cheek. "You're so sweet, you know? One day you're going to make someone happy. Hey! you know, Tim has some friends, Kaidan's pretty cute, actually. All mysterious like." Lauren hummed, smiling and nodding as she pretended to go along with this idea.

She didn't want Kaidan.

She didn't want any of the boys.

They smelt like sweat and Sarah smelt like vanilla cookies.

**3. Afghanistan**

"No, no!" Nadia laughed, "don't move!"

"Stop taking my photo," she whined. Nadia nodded with a total serious face, before laughing as she turned to speak to the kids in hushed tone. Lauren shook her head, look backing to the child she had propped up on the table. Immediately the young boy hugged her as she finished bandaging his arm.

Lauren froze in the hug before slowly returning it. Instantly there was that damn _snap _of the shutter.

"Nadia!"

The woman laughed again and suddenly there was a pile of children hugging her and the camera was taking photos quickly (damn the shutter speed). She could actually _hear _the lens zooming in as more photos were snapped away. "Come on, smile a little nerd," Nadia teased. The woman had been calling her nerd ever since she found out Lauren graduated at Yale, top of her class.

"I should kick your-"

"Language!" the woman said, never moving as she shifted focus.

"Hiney," Lauren finished. But she gave in and eventually ended up hugging the group. They'd been deployed to a small village to help. Nadia, ever the opportunist, had already picked up on the basics of the language and was deployed to take photos to show the _good _they were doing over here.

But Nadia also took photos of everything else, releasing them discreetly to magazines when the opportunity arose. Lauren had been sharp the first time she caught it, but the grecian woman had a way with words and Lauren saw where she was coming from.

"Come on, live a little," Nadia said. "Let them hug you, you know you love it," she winked. Lauren growled at the infuriating woman, before she wrapped her arm around the pile of them, each one she'd been helping over the last few weeks she'd been there.

And not that she'd _ever _admit it out loud, but it was nice to be hugged without any ulterior motives. They honestly just wanted to hug her as a thank you.

It felt...good. Really good. Like hot chocolate by a warm fire in winter, good.

"See!" Nadia smiled, "that's what I'm talking about. God, Lauren, you're far more beautiful when you smile."

Lauren blushed, ducking her head. Immediately she pulled away and the children whined before letting go. They all knew not to push the doctor. She was tired, and possibly irritated from the weather. But they knew within no time, she'd be playing around with them as photos were snapped away.

As the kids all walked away, Nadia sighed, reaching forward to grab Lauren's wrist when she turned back to count supplies. "You are beautiful you know."

"I know," Lauren replied, looking to the hand then back to the woman.

"No I mean," Nadia shook her head smiling, "you're _really _beautiful Lauren and- God, just look." She dropped her hold of the camera letting it hang around her neck as she reached into her pocket. Pulling out a small black and white picture she'd developed, Nadia showed her. "This was from the first day I met you, when you found me, remember? See, that's you, smiling with the woman you helped save."

"So?"

"So?" Nadia shook her head. "No, you know what forget it." Stuffing the picture back in her pocket she sighed. "It was stupid. Look, I'm going to take some photos of the village alright? I'll come back later to take more from around here."

"Nadia-"

"No, Lauren, it's fine."

"No, Nadia." Lauren grabbed her shoulders, turning her around to kiss her quickly. The moment the electricity of the brushed lips hit her, she pulled away, stunned by her own actions. "Ah- I mean, I-?" stumbling back she shook her head. Ashamed of acting so forward.

"About fucking time, you nerd," Nadia shoved her shoulder playfully, as though they were back to being friends again. "You know how long I've been hitting on you to get a kiss?" Winking she turned back. "I'm going to take some photos, but when I come back, I'll show you how I imagined this happening the first time, okay?"

Dumbstruck by the reply, Lauren nodded, watching Nadia walk off.

"You nerd," she heard muttered. "didn't even last a second. Use tongue next time!"

**Loneliness**

"You know," Everett said as she stood beside her one day. "Just because you're the Ash's ward, doesn't mean you can't go out sometimes, have a little fun and cut loose."

Lauren shook her head. "I have things to attend to."

Everett rolled her eyes at the _Lauren _response, "the Clinic can last a couple of hours without falling to pieces. I _have _been running it for the last eighty years, you're aware?"

Pulling back, Lauren gaped, "No I- I didn't mean-!"

The woman laughed, "I know, but it's still hilarious to see you squirm, Lewis." Leaning forward on the bench, she placed her head in her hands and watched Lauren shift nervously on her weight in front of the microscope. "I know where you go to at night."

"What?"

"I know where you go. You think I wouldn't be aware when my assistant comes in in the same clothes she wore the day before? You go to your girlfriend at night and you sleep there instead of your quarters. Then on the days your not running late, you go back to your room, shower and change before coming here."

"I-"

"It's not against the rules, but it's still frowned upon. You not getting enough sleep means your brain doesn't function as it should, no matter how much caffeine you put into it." Shamefully, Lauren looked to the ground.

"Sorry," she murmured. "I'm not...I'm not used to sleeping alone."

"Yeah, I know that feeling." Everett pulled away, "but I'm not asking you to forget her. You have something to work for, and in your spare time I completely respect your need to find a cure, but when your spare time cuts into your basic needs I have to draw a line."

Lauren nodded, still not looking up from her feet.

"Look, if you need someone to sleep next to, my bed's open- nothing funny. I swear. I don't like humans anyway," she teased, flicking red hair over her shoulder. Lauren laughed. Doctor Everett, her mentor, had not been kind to her the first few weeks. But Lauren pushed back, proving herself at every turn.

Eventually the teacher let up when she found Lauren crying one day. Over a patient of all things. A short, "it wasn't your fault, patients die, we can't help that," lead to Doctor Everett finding out that Lauren was having a flashback, which had ended with her sitting beside her and telling her a story of her own involvement in World War I.

Things went smoother after that, even had Everett calling out on any derogatory terms and informing everyone that "until you're work is better than Doctor Lewis, you have no right to say a damn thing against her." It didn't stop the whispers, but it made Lauren's life that much easier.

"Come on, let me buy you a drink," she whispered, nudging Lauren, "It'll help you sleep and you can tell me all about this perfect woman you gave your life away for."

"I'm also in it for the science."

"_Suure," _She laughed, "you're in it because that girl probably knows a trick or two with her tongue that nobody else has ever been able to do. That's the only love that lasts." She smiled as Lauren let out a loose laugh. "See, there you go, now come on. Vodka is the cure for everything!"

**Nightmares**

There were nights Bo didn't know about. Lauren would wake up, forehead damp and she'd pull out of her bed slowly. Her feet would pad down the stairs and quietly she'd grab a glass of water, going over her usual mantra to compartmentize the images and shove them in a deep black box in the back of her mind.

Sometimes she'd just get up and work, sometimes she'd go back to bed and try to sleep. On the really bad days, she'd end up curled up in her bathtub, pressing against the porcelain for comfort.

The nightmares usually happened when Bo wasn't there, but the one time it did happen, she tried to go to the kitchen only for Bo to roll over, arm wrapping around her waist.

"You okay?" she murmured softly, head buried in blonde hair. Lauren sighed against the lips on her neck before nodding.

"I'm fine, I just need-"

Bo sat up, eyes blinking down worriedly at Lauren. Her hand brushed over Lauren's forehead and the frown only deepened. "You had a nightmare," she whispered.

"It's nothing."

"It's not nothing. I heard you. I heard…" she blinked. Half asleep, Bo had thought she was dreaming when she'd heard her lover's murmurs. "Lauren," she whispered.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"We don't have to," she whispered at the sharp tone. Immediately, Lauren regretted her words.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"No, I get it. It's a private thing," Bo smiled, lying back down beside her. "But honestly, it's okay. Just...just know that whatever it is, I'm here, okay? I mean, if you want to just hug, or talk, or whatever, I'm here for anything you need. We don't even have to talk about that, we can talk about our future wedding or names for kids, or other not-so-pg stuff."

Lauren laughed, somewhere in that Bo was not-so-subtly suggesting about sexing away the fear.

"Okay," she nodded, kissing Bo's lips. "I'm just going to get water and then I'll be back."

"Good, because the bed's cold without you and I need you for warm naked cuddles and stuff," Bo sleepily fell back on the pillow, watching Lauren pull away. "Hey Lauren?"

"Yes, Bo?"

"I love you a lot. More than anyone else."

"I love you too." Lauren smiled, turning to kiss Bo's lips lightly, "honestly, I'm just getting water."

"Good, because anything else should be done with me."

Lauren rolled her eyes, even if Bo was cute half-asleep, she was still quite flirtatious. Which was probably why Lauren found it all the more adorable when she yawned as she blatantly stare at the breasts on show. "We already did that."

"Yes, but it's fun to repeat experiments."


End file.
